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October 25, 2010 / Lauren

Party fowl.

Me: GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT.

Hannah King: WHAT?

Me: THEY ARE BRINGING BACK REX’S CHICKEN.

Hannah King: Are you KIDDING?

Me: I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. I AM SERIOUS. I am going to gobble up all the fry bread and honey. And change my name to Rex. And get a Rex’s tat.

Hannah King: Oh man, I forgot about honey bread. I’m going to do all those things too. And open one in my guest bedroom. For myself. When I get a guest bedroom.

Me: I am going to take a bath in honey. I will need dozens more real baths to clean up after the honey bath, but that is okay. I will be the manager of the one in your future guest bedroom.

Hannah King: Oh thanks, I will need someone I can depend on. I will pay you in honey baths, so that will work out nicely.

Me: I will never miss a shift.

Hannah King: I know you won’t, Dependable McKinney.

Me: Rex McKinney to you, ma’am. Sexy Rexy. Honeypaychecks every two weeks.

Hannah King: Yes, twice a month.

Me: I am going to make a movie about Rex’s. It will be a family friendly story about a chicken who loves Rex’s so much he sacrifices himself to die so that others may Rex.

Hannah King: This is the best idea ever.

Me: The drama, the love, the REX. The sequel is about the chicken’s daughter and her boyfriend- it’s called… PREMARITAL REX.

Hannah King: I love these movies.

Me: I would be a movie maker, except all my movies would be 8 minutes long. I run out of ideas after 8 minutes.

Hannah King: Short films, that’s what you should get into- your new inspiration.

Me: What other sequels could there be? CAR REX: A drama about chickens who are not good at driving. Because, not to stereotype or anything, cause I’m totally not racist, but yeah chickens are not good drivers AT ALL.

Hannah King: REXing Ball: A drama about chickens who go to a ball, and a wrecking ball smashes through and kills them all for Rex chicken, in THE NAME of Rex chicken.

Me: And then the chicken is served at a fancy ball FOR PEOPLE?

Hannah King: YES, good addition. I put a REX on you! which will mostly be a remake of Hocus Pocus, but with chickens casting spells on little children.

Me: Yes. the focus of ‘I put a REX on you!’ is kid’s meals, and how to take chickens and make them into kid’s meals.

Hannah King: Yes, these are excellent ideas. We should pitch them to Spielberg or something.

Me: REX FEDEX, a film about chickens who ship themselves to the slaughterhouse via Fedex.

Hannah King: Man, those are some dumb chickens. But I love Rex, so I won’t complain.

Me: Maybe dumb chickens taste better?

Hannah King: They are probably more fat too, so yes. I would think so.

Me: Plus they are so dumb they pour sauce all over themselves.

Hannah King: Oh man, they MARINATE themselves beforehand because they like the smell. Dummies.

Me: I am going to go eat dinner. I am crying because the dinner is NOT Rex’s.

Hannah King: Don’t cry Rex, Rex will be back in your life soon, Rex. Sexy Rexy.

Me: Goodbye, friend. Until we Rex again.

Hannah King: Goodbye, Goodnight, GoodREX.

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8 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Cass / Oct 26 2010 10:50 am

    All my Rex’s Live in Texas
    The story of the secret chicken breedery(is that a word?) where the original Rex’s chickens were raised on a diet consisting of only honey and other chickens. Sort of a VH1 behind the Rex feel

    • Lauren / Oct 27 2010 11:00 am

      “Sure, the honey was great at first, but then… (crying)… they made me eat my own brother! MY OWN BROTHER. And he tasted deliciou. I was so depressed- that’s when I started using heroin.” -Foghorn Leghorn, All my Rex’s live in Texas.

  2. Justin / Oct 27 2010 10:48 am

    I laugh every time I read and/or think about this conversation. I may have only read it twice, but I have thought about it at least 4 times, which is a lot of time to be thinking about one conversation about a chicken joint, if you ask me.

    • Lauren / Oct 27 2010 11:02 am

      It is just. so. tasty. It is all I think about, ever. My work is suffering.

  3. stumbleana / Oct 29 2010 2:50 pm

    All this chicken talk is making me hungry. Too bad I’m anoREXic.

  4. Danielle LeGrange / Nov 12 2010 7:54 am

    Loved it!

  5. Heather / Oct 12 2011 5:10 pm

    My papa’s name is Rex. My grandma calls him Sexy Rexy. This is a true story.

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