To the Willy Wonka Candy Company:
First, let me applaud you for making so many delicious candies. Much to the chagrin of dentists, nutritionists, and generally healthy people everywhere, your products are all kinds of awesome. You make some of the most colorful, fun, and extremely sweet candies on the market. That said, I have a couple of minor issues with your product Fun Dip.
1) Stick to dip ratio. Part of the magic of Fun Dip is the pairing- the extreme tartness of the powder with the simple, subtle taste of the stick. It’s almost like when they are eaten together, the pH in my mouth is a perfect, balanced 7, because the dip is like an acid and the stick is like a base. In harmony, they are incredible. You have done a truly grievous thing- you have packaged three dips with just two sticks. This defies all logic. Your customers must either ration their stick use (attempting the impossible feat of using just .6666666667 sticks per pouch) or they must use one stick per pouch, and brave the last pouch with no stick at all. Maybe they look for a spoon. Perhaps they use their grubby fingers. Maybe they use a straw, a la Pixy Stix. None of these alternatives are as good as the stick. We need three sticks.
Furthermore, I assume most Fun Dip consumers work from left to right (with the back of the pack facing the candy eater), leaving us with no or inadequate stickage just as we arrive at the crown jewel of dips, RazzApple Magic Dip. Your marketing builds us up to this glorious color changing blue/green dip, only to let us down with no stick to taste it with. It is a very frustrating, if not infuriating, situation. Please correct the pouch to stick ratio to a sensible 1:1- stop blue balling us, Wonka.
2) Just the sticks. Fun Dip, though delicious, is very messy. I am not always able to fully delve into the Fun Dip experience, but I often would love to nibble on a Lik•a•stix. I know I just told you that the magic was in the pairing, and I stand by that. However, I can enjoy the sticks by themselves. I cannot enjoy the powder by itself. You should sell packs of just the sticks. I would buy these more often than I purchase a full Fun Dip pack. The sticks are delicious. I would keep a pack of sticks in my desk at work. The sticks are a fantastic candy in thier own right, and there is nothing on the market that tastes quite like them.
And so, William Wonkerstein (I assume that is your real name), please thoughtfully consider modifying this product to meet the needs of sugar hounds across America. Until you rectify the issues with Fun Dip, you leave us with a decidedly sour taste in our mouths.
Lauren E. McKinney, candy aficionado/great American hero
P.S. I found this image when googling Fun Dip:
The photo, presumably taken in the early to mid 1990’s, seems to feature two people at their wedding reception/science fair poster contest enjoying a romantic Fun Dip toast. All I can say is, why didn’t I think of that? It’s brilliant. In this case, and this case alone, just having two sticks seems romantic and awesome.